


More to Lose

by Tsukino_Akume



Series: Ruigi [5]
Category: Power Rangers Samurai
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Discussion of Fealty-Related Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 03:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9157990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume
Summary: Mike struggles with his duty to the Clans.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer/:** Mike and Kevin do not make out in canon, so I probably don’t own it. Sorry, PunkPinkPower. ;_;  
>  **Warnings/:** Angst, Discussions of Fealty-Related Suicide, Implied past Child Abuse, Grief/Mourning  
>  **Author's Notes/:** This didn’t quite fit into Changing Tactics, as that’s meant to be Jayden and Lauren’s story. But Mike demanded it be written, so.
> 
> This references Chapter 21, so you may want to re-read it if you haven’t recently, and takes place after Chapter 49. It was written to [this vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXxBxVV6PrU) paused at 00:31 with the song from [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi9i2-8z08k) playing in the background. Both are lovely, and worth mentioning because I’m not sure I could have written it without both of them.
> 
> On a side note, everything about Mike’s past excluding what happened to Serena in this ‘verse is my headcanon.

_“A world without Antonio at my side, isn’t one I want to live in.”_

He pushed the words from his mind the moment he’d walked out of the dojo. He’d gotten his answers, and that was what mattered. Even if he didn’t exactly agree with Jayden’s reasons, at least he knew Jayden would protect Lauren when it came down to it.

Probably.

_“I wasn’t raised as a Samurai.”_

_Wasn’t raised as a Samurai? What even was that?_ he wondered irritably the next morning in training, swinging his _shinai_ down against Emily’s sharply. Yeah, he hadn’t exactly been raised as a Samurai either, but that didn’t mean he didn’t understand what it meant to be a member of the Clans.

__

__

He had a duty. To the world, to Lauren, to his team. To his bloodline, to ensure it continued so that the Green Samurai Powers survived. There was nothing more important than that.

_“We fight for the people we care about.”_

He cared. He cared about his team, his friends. His family, what was left of it. Nobody cared more than he did. 

_Serena cared_ , a voice whispered in his mind as he returned from picking up groceries, and he lost control of his skateboard, spilling onto the sidewalk.

_”Toshizo-sensei taught me the same way: that nothing was more important than my duty to seal Master Xandred.”_

_Toshizo._ He remembered that name. It wasn’t every day someone was expelled from the Clans, after all. 

_“All I can tell you is that he betrayed the clan.”_

Lauren had been shaking when she’d said it. At the time, he’d thought it was exhaustion from the battle, from how badly Jayden had freaked them all out with his panic attack. It wasn’t until much later that he realized she’d been shaking in anger. 

He paid more attention to Jayden after that. Noticed the way he always offered to help out, even if it was late or inconvenient. The way he was always weirdly polite to Ji no matter what was going on, and how much it upset Antonio when he did. The way he watched the _Kuroko_ out of the corners of his eyes when they moved through a room, tensed up like he was expecting a fight. The way he lurked on the edge of a room, like he didn’t expect to be invited into the conversation. 

The aching, pained look on Lauren’s face whenever she watched Jayden train. 

_“Nothing was more important than my duty.”_

_It wasn’t wrong,_ he told himself as he took his turn cleaning the kitchen after dinner. Nothing *was* more important than his duty. Jayden had obviously been - well, what he thought happened to Jayden anyway, that was wrong. There was no excuse for what Toshizo had done - assuming he was even right about it. But it wasn’t the same thing at all. 

Without the Mori bloodline, the Green Samurai Powers would be gone. As an only child, he had a duty to prevent that from happening. That responsibility wasn’t wrong. It was just the way things had to be. 

Even if … 

He shook his head, shoving the container of leftovers into the fridge harshly. It was just how things had to be. 

_“The people we care about are the reason we convince ourselves to keep fighting.”_

_I *am* fighting for the people I care about,_ he reminded himself as he watched Emily, Lauren, and Jayden laughing as Antonio danced out of Mia’s way as she snapped a towel at him, smiling despite her glower. Something about him taking over her kitchen or something. _I’m fighting for these people right here._

He deliberately avoided looking at Kevin as he leaned against the door frame, watching them all with a faint smile. 

_“Having the most important person in the world to you be taken like that … “_

He snapped awake, gasping in the dark. He forced himself to sit up, pulling on his hair to distract himself so he wouldn’t puke. It took a moment to come back to himself, sucking in deep breaths as he tried to calm down. 

There was a feeling of energy in his skin, burning just under the surface, that he hadn’t felt in months. It left him hot, anxious, and desperate to get up and moving. To burn it off in battle. 

He hadn’t felt it since - 

He tossed his sheets aside, climbing to his feet and heading toward the door. 

There was no one else as he made his way down the hall, moving as fast and silently as possible. Whatever was driving at him now hadn’t affected anyone else, at least. That was something. 

Not like the last time. 

He found himself in Ji’s garden. It wasn’t a conscious decision: he wasn’t pulled toward his element the way Ke - some of the others seemed to be. Usually he had to be nagged into spending time with nature. He’d always found more peace losing himself in a video game than a bunch of trees. 

So he wasn’t sure why he felt cooler now, standing outside in the darkness in nothing but pjs and bare feet. Not calmer exactly, but the overheated feeling was gone. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. 

“What do you want, Kevin?” 

There was a soft sound as Kevin stepped out of the shadows he’d been hiding in. “You looked ready to jump out of your skin. Is it so wrong that I was worried about you?” he asked mildly. 

_Yes. No._

“I’m - “ he stopped, unable to force out that he was fine. 

_“A world without Antonio at my side, isn’t one I want to live in.”_

For the briefest of moments, he tried to imagine a world without Kevin. A world where Lauren hadn’t been able to break Madimot’s spell. Where it had been Kevin whose spirit was taken by Splitface instead of Serena. Dozens of battles that could have gone wrong, where a single misstep cost Kevin his life. 

A world without Kevin nagging at him, pushing him to train harder, to eat better, to sleep more. Where he couldn’t see Kevin’s exasperated eye roll whenever he did something ridiculous. Hear another one of his lectures after a dumb but useful move in battle, pretending not to see the way Kevin’s hands trembled as he yelled. 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t imagine it; it was that it was all too easy. To see another Samurai sent in Kevin’s place, a distant member of the Ikanami Clan who moved the same and trained the same, with the same stern, disciplined attitude. To see a stranger in the Blue uniform he’d always looked for out of the corner of his eye. 

A hand reached out, resting lightly on his arm. “ … Mike?” 

_“I am not giving up the one good thing in my life that’s come out of all of this.”_

“My mother was killed by a Nighlok.” 

He felt the flinch more than saw it. He kept staring at the garden, looking at the different colors and plants. Serena had loved it out here, always nagging at him to come sit in the garden with her. “Splitface,” he added, and heard Kevin’s sharp intake of breath. “He stole her soul. They never got it back. My dad was never the same after.” 

“Mike - “ 

“I don’t blame you,” he spoke over him. “For stopping me. I’d have talked you out of it, too.” He thought he would have, at least. They may never really know for sure. “You were right. But I didn’t agree not to become a Nighlok because you were right. I did it because you were the one asking.” 

He turned before he could change his mind, taking in the troubled look on Kevin’s face. “I lost my mother to them. I lost - “ He swallowed painfully. “Serena was the closest thing I had to a sister. Every day I ask myself if I did the right thing, letting you talk me out of it. If she’d still be alive if I’d just done what needed to be done. Don’t - “ His voice caught, and he clenched his fists to keep from shaking. It was too cold to be out here in a t-shirt and sweats. “I can't lose a husband.” 

Arms were around him before he could shove them away. He let Kevin hug him - he needed the body heat - and leaned into the shoulder in front of him, just a little. He was tired, that’s all. 

“I can’t - “ He swallowed again. He’d need some tea or something later, it sounded like he was getting a cold. “I can’t do that.” 

“Okay,” Kevin murmured in his ear, rubbing hands up and down his back to warm him. “I’m sorry, Mike. I didn’t … I’m sorry.” 

He closed his eyes, leaning in closer and dropping his head down to rest against Kevin’s neck. If he was getting sick, he was darn well going to share the germs. “Don’t ask me that,” he whispered as his eyes stung. “Please.” 

“Okay. Okay.” 

_“We’ll find a way.”_

There was something habitual about walking in together, letting Kevin drag him along by the hand. Comforting, maybe. Following Kevin to his room, curling up next to him on the bed, leaning in for a kiss, that was just habit. He’d been doing it for ages, anyway. Practically a lifetime. 

The burning under his skin was gone, he noted absently as he curled into Kevin’s warmth and closed his eyes. 


End file.
